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My Weakness

March 25, 2012

I want to dance, forever really, on the stage of pretty, just right, perfectly practiced and enviable. I want others to see my dance and say, yes, she’s got it — the “it” I want.

But instead I’m dancing, quite alone, on a stage no one has sought tickets for. My dress is unfamiliar. Did I choose this? My steps are out of rhythm. Why won’t better music play? And in panic I can’t remember the right steps. Did I ever know them? Not too many brave this performance.

My soul is keen for a cinderella transformation. But I hear no rustling of a godmother backstage. No prince galloping towards me on his gallant steed. No scurrying of little mice feet readying the real dress, the pitch perfect music, the seamless dance steps.

A stage named My Weakness. That’s where I dance-stumble. An ensemble that moves more like a bear I’m wrestling. No wonder I can’t get the steps right. Quite certain the cast is all wrong. And this isn’t even the right stage. I need one, really need one, that is quite firmer, more steady, polished and beautiful. But here, the boards are saggy, the whole of it too small, the curtains entirely too heavy.

But He insists – my dance instructor – that this is the right stage. The right ensemble. The most beautiful music. Even as every day I plead to be displayed on the stage of strength, beauty, and perfection. He says I’ve missed the point entirely.

His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weakness.

I fight to learn this life-dance so different than the one I expected. I try, really try, not to let jealousy distract me as other babes learn to walk, talk, develop effortlessly. It only makes me stumble worse as I dance. I try to push disappointment and discouragement backstage. I try to wrap my mind around this music and keep hope a constant chorus. I pray through each dance step that He will teach me to see as I need to see so that I will not miss His grace, His power, so beautifully on display.


One Comment leave one →
  1. March 25, 2012 5:31 pm

    I love this comparison!!! I might not completely understand what you’re working through, but I look up to you even more! I think we all want to dance perfectly, but none of us get the moves right till eternity. I look forward to dancing perfectly along side you someday in Heaven. It’s gonna be gorgeous. Keep trying for now. Praying for you. Love you.

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